Before we said, “I do!” We took a premarital course to help us prepare for the journey ahead of being husband and wife. However, after being married for several years now and reading and studying on different blended family dynamics, I now realized, that the type of premarital counseling we had was not relevant to our situation.
In our premarital counseling, we learned things like respect, trust, fidelity, and being on the same page on finances, faith, etc. All great things we should know and learn about. However, blended families deal with a lot more situations than that.
I believe before any couple where one or both individuals are bringing children into the marriage, “blended family” counseling should be in order. This couple has be equipped and knowing what’s ahead. If they are not warned, how else would they know the fairy tail idea of their family being perfect isn’t realistic? How else would they know that it will take them sometime to really “blend” as a family? I believe a lot of the hurt that happens to the majority of the blended family couples is because they were not prepared, they were not taught. They went into the blended marriage with a traditional marriage mindset. You can’t fit a circle into a square.
If I had to do it again, my hubs and I would have had counseling relating to our new normal. How to deal with time sharing, creating traditions as a blended family, ways to deal with hurting children, ways to deal with minimal to lack of trust. The issues previously mentioned has created some serious issues earlier on in our marriage and I believe if we had proper training and coaching, some of the heartache and pain we endured, could have been eliminated.
If you are in a marriage and you are struggling, get some help. Find a local blended family group or find one online. I recently started a group to provide more support to families, and you can join it here. If you are serious about someone with children or if you have children, I highly recommend getting some professional help relating to blended family.